At a creativity workshop I attended some time ago, the speaker told us a story to reflect on our prejudices, our limitations, on the backpack of beliefs we all carry on our backs and the limitations this can impose on us. That story gave me a lot to think about, and today I want to share it with you.
It is about a scientific experiment conducted with some monkeys. The truth is, I don't know how much of this story is true or legend, but in any case, it explains very well the patterns of behavior we often follow.
The experiment consisted of placing three monkeys in a room, and in one corner, a ladder was placed that allowed them to reach a banana hanging from the ceiling. As expected, shortly after being in the room, the monkeys wanted to reach the banana, but what happened was that when they climbed the ladder, they were all sprayed with pressurized ice water. The monkeys tried again and again to get the banana, but the result was always the same... so the monkeys, having learned their lesson, gave up and decided never to repeat the experience again...
What was done then was to remove one of the monkeys and introduce a new monkey... upon seeing the banana, this monkey's first action was to try to quickly climb the ladder to get it, but its companions started hitting and kicking it to prevent it from approaching the ladder at all costs... they didn't even give it a chance to try...
Next, one of the original monkeys was again removed, and another new monkey was introduced. Exactly the same thing happened: everyone went to hit the new monkey to prevent it from trying to climb the ladder and get the banana... the most surprising thing was that the monkey who had not been soaked by the ice water was the one who hit it with the most force and conviction...
This was done several times, introducing new monkeys every so often, and the result was always the same: monkeys that had never been sprayed with ice water continued the learned behavior pattern despite not having personally experienced the reason for the danger....
The fact is that the banana eventually became a kind of unattainable taboo... and despite removing the effect of the ice water... none of them ever tried to get it again...
Here's a video that clearly demonstrates this experiment:
We all obviously have a past life, a past, experiences, a backpack full of good and bad things, of desires, frustrations, successes and failures... Each of these experiences takes place in a specific context, in a specific environment, and of course, they are lived by us, who have our own character...
My proposal is to try to detach ourselves from all of this to be able to raise free and happy children, to try not to pass on to them the burden of our fears, our frustrations or failures, not even our successes and aspirations... all of them are surely based on a context and a reality that perhaps has nothing to do with that of our children...
Of course, we can and should share our life experiences with them because only then will we create a true emotional bond with them, and after all, they constitute who we are today... but let's try to distance ourselves a little from them...
Let them themselves and their own experiences forge their character and destiny, let them discover their own dreams, let them find their own fears and their own limitations... let them fill their own backpack with good and bad life experiences... let's not burden them with ours as well!
It's not an easy task, but I think it's worth at least making the effort to try...
What do you think about all this?
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