There's no doubt that emotions condition and form an important part of our lives. We can define emotion as a subjective response to a situation that causes a change in our state and prepares us for action.
We all feel them and they all serve a purpose; they signal whether things are going well or not, monitor the state of our relationships, and prepare us to act in one way or another.
Emotions themselves are positive, they serve a function. What can become negative is our reaction or behavior when we feel them, and that's where we can intervene to regulate them and consciously choose how we want to behave.
Today I want to focus on explaining some resources or strategies to help our children do this. These are just a few examples, though there are many more:
· THE TRAFFIC LIGHT: Many of you have probably heard of this technique because it's quite well-known. It involves explaining to the child that when they feel an emotion (mainly anger, rage, indignation...) making them lose control, they should follow these steps:
o Red: means STOP! Stop, pause before acting. This can be represented by crossing your arms over your chest. Take a few seconds, or if possible, a few minutes to disconnect. Take a walk if you can to prevent your first impulse from bringing out the worst in you.
o Yellow: In this phase, you should take deep breaths (inhale and exhale several times) to think clearly, and once you are calmer, answer the questions: What happened? How do I feel?
o Green: In this phase, we should focus on finding a solution. What can I do to solve it? Can I do it alone or should I ask for help?
I think it's a very simple technique that can be taught and practiced from a young age, and putting it into practice often can be very helpful during moments of anger. By the way, it's not just for kids; adults can also use it ;)
· STORIES: one of my favorite resources. Sometimes we insist on trying to reason with children when they are in the middle of an "emotional outburst," and that's usually not the best time to explain things to them... Children, after all, are like us; nobody likes to feel "attacked." So, instead of scolding them in front of everyone when, for example, they hit another child in the park, we simply take them aside, and that night at home, at bedtime, once they are calm, we reflect that identical situation in a story, with other characters. Things change, and do you know why? Because the one who hits and did wrong is no longer them, but the character in the story. This allows them to see the situation from a distance, emotions will be set aside, and it will be much easier for them to understand the message: "You don't hit anyone, just as we don't like anyone hitting us." This way, we prevent the child from shutting down about the topic and not feeling judged... we can calmly discuss with them why hitting is wrong, how the child who was hit feels, and ask questions and reflect together on the incident, etc.
· LEARNING TO RELAX: I believe we should all learn relaxation techniques from a young age. Yoga is already being offered in some schools, at least as an extracurricular activity... Learning to breathe and to do it in a way that allows us to connect with ourselves, here and now, and to forget for a moment about worries and problems, I believe is essential for a healthy life. At home, we can give them some simple guidelines: learning to "inhale" and "exhale" in a soft, rhythmic tone. On the Internet, you can find many relaxation exercises for children that you can practice with them from time to time. I recommend playing calming music in the background, which always helps.
· EMOTIONAL CORNER: it can be a corner of the house or simply a cardboard box that we decorate with the children. It will be the place where we can all express our emotions freely. And we can do it through messages or drawings (if they are very young, they can simply put a sticker showing smiling, angry, scared, etc.). It's important that they see that adults also use it, because that will encourage them to do so. It can provide an outlet at a given moment and a way to release that rage or that feeling of fear or anger... At the end of the day, if there's something in the box, we can review it with them and talk about the issue.
· FAMILY MEETING: We can also hold a family meeting at home from time to time (especially when there's a problem we want to solve) where the child can express their emotions and so can we. It will be a space for reflection on one or more specific topics, and the idea is that we can talk about how we feel when certain things happen (e.g., when you don't clean your room, I feel very angry, etc.). If the child sees how we express our emotions, they will also feel free to do so (e.g., when you repeat things to me many times, I feel overwhelmed, or I feel like I hardly have any time to play, etc.). These types of resources will help normalize emotional communication at home, increase children's self-esteem by feeling heard, and strengthen the emotional bond among all family members.
· PLAYING TO UN-ANGER OURSELVES: Acting out everyday conflict situations with them and together finding solutions to those situations is also a good resource... It's important for the child to actively participate in ideas for resolving the conflict, even if we then help them differentiate what can be done from what cannot...
· MUSIC: The power of music to change gears in states of "blockage" and improve our mood is incredible. Obviously, sometimes it will be harder and other times easier, but it is usually a very positive element that will help us!
And what about you? What other resources do you use to regulate emotions? I'm all ears ;)
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