Today I wanted to share with you a thought that I've been having for some time: How many social constraints limit our behavior? How many external factors prevent us from "shining" and bringing out the best in ourselves? How can we help our children so that these constraints don't influence them so decisively?
Recently, I read an article in El País, which I recommend you read, and which really caught my attention. It explained how an experiment with young American students showed that when faced with a specific question whose answer was, in principle, very "obvious," the students answered incorrectly, even knowing the correct answer, just to avoid contradicting the group, to avoid standing out and not being noticed within it.
This experiment demonstrated the capacity of social pressure to annul or inhibit talent. The students preferred to do poorly but be part of the group, rather than do well but remain on the sidelines or risk feeling rejection from the rest.
And the truth is, for many, social pressure continues to be a difficult barrier to overcome, not to say impossible. Many times, unconsciously, as the article I mentioned says, WE FEAR "drawing too much attention – and even succeeding – for fear that our virtues and achievements might offend others..."
And I ask myself, What kind of society do we live in where people are afraid, not of making mistakes (which would be another post), but of doing well, of standing out positively above others?
Perhaps behind this lies the fear of rejection... but why does it generate rejection when it should be a cause for admiration?...
The article talks about "envy" as an evil that prevents us from rejoicing in others' joys because they only highlight our own "shortcomings"... and that when someone excels at something, instead of being happy for them, applauding them, praising them, and admiring them... we dedicate ourselves to ostracizing them, criticizing them, and excluding them from the group.
What can we do to change this? How can we make this behavioral pattern disappear? We cannot change the world, but we can change our small sphere... And how?... By teaching our children from a young age to:
- Believe in themselves and have confidence in their judgment, in their intuition, to learn to listen to their inner voice to truly be themselves. Reinforce in them their own thinking, even above that of the collective, because only then will they find their own path and be able to unleash their own talent... Many times, "intuition" is a good counselor... Let's pay attention to what we feel, what we are, what we carry within... trying to set aside prejudices and "what people will say."
- Discard destructive thinking (rejection, criticism, censure, exclusion, etc.) because it destroys others but also destroys ourselves, simply because it won't make us feel good, it won't help us grow as people, improve, or learn new things from others...
- Encourage and "practice" constructive thinking with them, applause, praise, admiration, etc. Always put the "focus" on the good in people. This attitude will make us learn from others' behavior and push us to want to improve and grow as people and to want to cultivate what we admire in others, to "rise above our limitations" and learn new things every day.
- Not to be dragged along or excessively influenced by "groups" or not to the point of not being ourselves because, ultimately, a group in which we cannot express our opinion and our judgment with confidence and freedom is a group that constrains and limits us... It will also be a group that drags us where the majority goes but does not allow us to "shine" with our own light.
Can you imagine if all parents managed to transmit this to our children? We would achieve, first, that they would be happier, and we would achieve, finally, to live in a society where everyone could give the best of themselves and "shine" with their own light, without fear of rejection, criticism, and envy.
The challenge is significant, and I'm not saying it's easy, but it starts in every family...
To conclude, I leave you with a fragment from the movie "Dead Poets Society" which has a lot to do with this topic. It talks about the importance of finding your own way: "Walk your own path." I hope you enjoy it :)
If you liked this article, share it!
